This morning I made my once-yearly pilgrimage to an Akasaka clinic for a comprehensive health check-up, a ritual that highlights the best and the best quirks of living in Japan everything from the colour tones of the clinic – muted greens and blues; to the rhythm of the nurses calling out instructions in Japanese for each of the activities “please turn left, breath-in, hold, swallow, pinch, press, suck, …” to the genuinely enthusiastic waving goodbye from the slightly flirty receptionists who’ve just handed me a lunch voucher for a nearby cafe – and a couple of laxatives. Not an ironic bone in their body, bless ’em.

Expecting a fluid afternoon work schedule